1.16.2010

#501

sounds: saosin - why can't you see?

Increasingly, I find myself getting more and more task-oriented. Sometimes I just can't relate to why people act the way they act, or are the way they are. If I could, I'll just give them a hard shaking to snap them out of it and correct their mistakes.

I'm not perfect, but on many levels, I do know when something is wrong and I should change it.

I wish I know a better, more persuasive way of doing so. Maybe it's the way I've been trained over the last year or so and the influence of authoritative people where I was from, that it's rubbed off on me to quell a questionable practice with verbal lashings. If someone is doing something wrong, kan them. If they still persist in doing so, kan them loudly. If all else fails, step in and punish.

It's hard to draw the line of appropriateness outside as compared to in the military, where authority is much less defined for the former.

If there was a way to change everything that's wrong with the world, you bet I'll be the first to sign up and make it a better place with better people.
.luc. at 21:47

1.08.2010

#500

sounds: avril lavigne - innocence

Trying to hold on to that which won't ever come back.

Trying to change what I can't change.

Trying my best in a world that's never what I meant it to be, and that which I can never understand.

That about sums it up.
.luc. at 00:57

12.22.2009

#499

sounds: saosin - it's far better to learn

Forget it.

Just carry on doing what you do best.

Don't come to me when you need something.
.luc. at 19:17

12.15.2009

#498

sounds: jason mraz feat. colby caillat - lucky

Stimulating intellectual conversations are just what the doc ordered.

Haven't expressed my views so freely in a while.

Maybe if people would learn to be less frivolous and take things more seriously, I could stop with this whole heck-care, nothing-to-bother-me front.

Something I read currently that left a lingering impact: If you can't change the world, then let the world change you.

How true is that? Are we bound to bend to the world just 'cause we're powerless to stop the flow of the masses' mindset?

Superiors always say we should try to change things for the better as officers. True. In work, that is. In life, that bar holds about as much power as a lattice of woven threads. That is, strong enough to withstand casual scrutiny, but a pin could poke just right through.

Intellectual conversations...guess I could do with more of those.
.luc. at 23:43

12.08.2009

#497

sounds: goo goo dolls - real

It's one of those nights.

Caught in between the past and the present.

Facing reality dead in the eye. Just can't help but stare back blankly. Silently indignant. Not letting anything get the better of me and yet doing nothing to change the status quo.

How experience shapes people.

I am a product of circumstance. It's not who I want to be. And yet, I couldn't be here if things were any different.

If only the past and the present could merge to become the future.
.luc. at 00:34

12.06.2009

#496

sounds: 周杰伦 - 说好的幸福呢？

有时不知不觉地想起你时，总会感觉到那股寒酸的心灵。 总觉得你已经走得无影无踪，但我却还在这黑暗里挣扎着。虽然说是放手了，但依然忘不了我们度过的时光。有时候真的好像再见到你， 听听你的声音。

不管我在工作上的位子生得多高，自从你离开后总觉的少了一块能给我满足感的砖块。看来也只能痴痴地问：说好的幸福呢？

Anyway, range is over. Finally. Thought it wasn't the best I could've done. Even with all the praises and positive comments, I still felt that it wasn't up to my own standards.

Still, it feels good to have your CO and OC recognise the hard work you've put in for the past month. In hindsight, maybe all those late nights, burning my changeovers and duty offs, being the last one out of office, stressing over this detail and that sequence, all the logistics, poring over directives, planning and manpower management...maybe it was all worth it after all.

Next up, something purely out of the schedule...something for the incoming cadets. At least something I think can help set them on the path to become better officers than we are.
.luc. at 01:29

11.21.2009

#495

sounds: saosin - on my own

I don't feel the need to justify myself. Nor explain for that matter. It's too hard to make people see both sides of the coin. And perhaps I'm just that much more used to seeing the dark side of people than some are used to.

So in an effort to not waste precious saliva, I'll just reserve my right of opinion. I don't feel the need to be understood, nor do I seek validation. I am my own man shaped by my experiences. I don't see a need to impose my ideas on others forcibly.

Effectively 1 week left to the planning I've been doing lately. One thing I really, really would like to change is how much we're left to fend for ourselves. Literally everything has to be learnt on the job. It's not easy.

And as always, I just can't shake this feeling of being asked to do more than I should just because I actually deem it right to settle unfinished business.

Then when shit happens, fingers start pointing again.
.luc. at 00:52